Suicide Letter
I wake from my sleep, no dreams last night. The Lord gives me a dream as the day.. lights. Eyes, wide. He says, “Don’t paint a pretty picture. I want them to remember what I went through just for them. I want them to remember My Suicide Letter.”
He prays in the midnight hour. Prays for the lives he’s about to save, also for the life he’s about to take, his. He wants to run away, but God sends phenom prophets to wash his fears away. You see he came with a mission, story already written on his heart. Now I’m here doing my mission. I’m here to write out his suicide note.
“I came to die so that you all may live. I planned out this whole suicide thing perfectly, because instead of me killing myself, I made you do it. As you killed me you laughed thinking it was a murder but I had the last laugh in the end, when I rose again. Remember? Anyways I only had twenty-four hours to think about this predicament I put myself in. I doubted I could do it because you humans just didn’t get the message I was tryna send. I came to help you all and die for your sins, all in the same lifetime. Crazy right? So I sit and I think to myself while praying the night before, why should I die for YOU? You who forgets to love me and replaces me daily with things that won’t get to go with you when you die. You who forgets to thank me for the air you breathe, whom I let see the sunsets and sunrise. It’s simple really, my whole plan was to die for you so that you would know what love means. Instead you replace me with men, women and things and settle for dreams vs. reality. You think you killed me? I was already dead before the beginning. Before your breath of your lifetime was given. Yo check my mission statement. My feet walked this pavement as it was being form. One breath, I created yours. And I can’t even get a thank you to save my life, cliche right? So I’m writing this suicide note because I have to die for the non-believers, the ones who would rather save a thrift, a murderer, a rapist. To those who would rather indulge in the sins on this earth than stop and listen to the very thing that gave them life. The lust and pornography, the weed, yes the weed has a stronghold on the youth I had strong promise in. So tired of it all so I made you kill me. I thought then you would see that you didn’t choose me, I chose you. Yes you, the one who laughed and spit in my face when I asked for a drink. The one who taunted me as he ripped my skin open with his whip, no I’ll never never forget. You, the one who hammered the nails to my hands and feet, and laughed as I cried out to G.O.D.. To all of you who threw rocks at me and dug the crown of thorns on my head so the thorns would stick with me the King of Kings. Sad part is, I wept for you before I died. I cried out to God for all the sins you did and would commit before I took my own life. And instead you laughed and mine. “What a waist,” you said. “He doesn’t deserve to live.” When I die for you everyday, I get the same thing. You replace me with sex, love and other drugs so much that you can’t even feel the love. Still I was right there. And I try to be daily, showing you what I went through for you. You see, this suicide letter was written to you. So you would never forget what you did to me, but what I did for you. The angels can’t fathom my love for you, yet you run from me. They cry holy for you, who won’t cry anything. As I make you write out this note for me, I want you to see what a pity this society turned out to be. Yes cry for yourselves, don’t cry for me. Change. You have the ability. Do the one thing I beg for each day. Don’t create the same mistakes, just get it. Understand that suicide was my mission so that you might live. So each day man I’m covered in sin. I’m covered from head to toe, by you alone. Now do you understand why I had to kill myself? Get it before its too late. You won’t rise in three days like me. O yes, you’ll live again, but your eternity will be based on your life spent. Do you get life as eternity or death as your judgement. I died for you. Are you willing to do the same for me? I’m waiting on your answer, don’t worry. I have all your life to hear it.”
- JS
